Disclaimer: This isn't exactly a step-by-step guide on finding the love of your life. I'm no expert at relationships or whatever. These are just things I've gathered from my experiences and things I've learned from others.
1. Love yourself. It's clichéd and all, but that doesn't make it any less true. The first step to finding love is to love your unpretty/imperfect/boring/(insert negatively loaded adjective here) self. Love the dark circles around your eyes, the pimple marks, the double chin, the muffin top. Love the scars you got from the bike accident ten years ago. Love that you can't do Calculus and that you flunked high school Physics. Love that you got your heart broken at fourteen because you were too young to love but did so anyway, and loved the wrong person. One who couldn't see past the same exact things that keep you from loving yourself completely. Love your failures, especially if you learned from them. Love your mistakes but try not to repeat them. Love your crooked teeth, love the crow's feet. Love that you're tone deaf, that you can only draw people with circles and sticks. Love everything you wish you could change and change them. Love the things you're stuck with and accept them. As Stephen Chbosky wrote in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, "We accept the love we think we deserve." Until you accept yourself at least 80%, you can't love someone else. You can try, but there's a high chance you'd fail. Trust me.
2. Find someone. It doesn't matter where. Doesn't matter how. You could go out and party if that's your thing. You could hang out at a coffee shop, read The Great Gatsby while sipping on overpriced cafe latte, and wait for someone to notice and approach you. You could play an MMORPG and fall in love with a stranger hiding behind an adorable long-sword wielding 2D knight with green hair and gray eyes. You could read blogs and find someone who shares the same interests, who firmly believes ketchup makes any food taste better, even mushroom soup and chocolate ice cream. You could pick someone from one of your existing circles of friends. Notice how your heart flutters at their nearness all of a sudden and how your stomach flips when they casually put an arm around you, although they've been doing so since freshman year and both of you are now twenty somethings surviving from paycheck to paycheck.
I say find because it encompasses both the experience of discovering by chance and the act of getting something by making an effort. You could choose to do it either way. The method of finding is of little importance because what matters most in this whole finding-someone business is whom you find. You don't have to get it right the first time, but consider yourself very, very lucky if you do. But don't just sit there waiting for your soul mate to magically appear before you (I don't believe in soul mates though). Do something. Choose the more active definition of find.
3. Be realistic. It goes without saying that expectations don't always jibe with reality. The good news is, expectations are under your control. You can't expect the person you find to be perfect, because that's a surefire way to eventually lose interest in them. You can have an ideal, yes. You can write a list of things you want your future lover to be and to have, but you can't expect all the items on your list to be checked off. Some you'd have to rewrite. Some you'd have to drop. Remind yourself that perfect lovers exist only in parallel universes where people fall in love at first sight and get the happy endings they want. In the real world, love is a shapeshifter. On some days, it's as easy as a first grade spelling test. On others, it takes the form of a douchebag slave-driving boss who makes you want to pull off every strand of your hair and jump off the rooftop of your thirty-story office building.
And, no, you can't expect them to love you back, not only because doing so could lead to grave disappointment and unnecessary heartache on your part, but also because love, although ideally a two-way street, isn't always so. There are times when you'd find yourself treading a dimly-lit alleyway by yourself. You will get scared. You will want to turn around and dash back to the main street where you feel safe, along with other people who share the same fear. But you don't find love that way.
Which leads us to my next point.
4. Be brave. If the thought of getting your heart stuffed into a paper-shredder terrifies you, don't love. Okay, I kid. It's okay to be scared. Really. Because, as Nelson Mandela once said, "...courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." Love like you've never had your heart broken. If you really haven't had it broken before, remember that hearts break all the fucking time, so why shouldn't yours? Granted, heartbreak isn't the easiest thing to deal with, but you have to remember that it's a metaphor. Your heart isn't literally going to break, goddammit, unless you're that princess in a fairy tale who has a heart made of glass.
Let's get this straight: you will get hurt. But as with expectations, you can control the damage a broken heart can deal. And I don't mean building a great wall of defense around you. Heck, no. It's the exact opposite, actually. Put your guard down. Feel naked. Be vulnerable. Acknowledge your fear and defeat it. Convince yourself that you're invincible, that no amount of hurt can paralyze you and keep you from loving again. Fall into the pits of unrequited love, fumble about in the dark trying to find a way out until you realize you can grow wings and fly. Soar. Rise in love.
5. Love someone. When you find someone who makes you feel like you're twelve again and are having a crush for the first time, love them. Indulge in the electric feels. Get lost in their words and drown in their eyes. Never mind that their eyes are probably just puddles. See past their occasional interchanging use of your and you're. Smile when they text you good morning, smile more widely when they tell you good night. Find someone and love them the best way you know how. Give them gifts if that's your style. And if you could afford to, of course. Tell them upfront. Praise them. Give them all your attention. It doesn't matter how you do it, as long as you don't tie a rope around their necks and strangle them with it, either literally or figuratively. Don't be a fucking sadist because love should be about being happy and making the person you love happy. If you can only find happiness and satisfaction in hurting your lover, go see a fucking shrink. Take this same advice if you're on the receiving end of an abusive relationship. Or, you could save yourself time and money and go back to point number one because, most likely, you're suffering from low self-esteem and have a distorted self-concept.
Love someone who makes you feel complete. I didn't understand this until much later, because I always thought, what the heck, I'm not incomplete, so why should I look for someone to complete me? Well, they don't have to; they just have to make you feel like they do. But, again, don't expect them to love you back just because you love them. Sometimes, you have to see love as a role-playing game with mind-numbing puzzles and monstrous bosses that would take you ten tries, or even more, to defeat, and victory equals getting the girl or guy of your fantasies. It's not Pacman, kid, but you're lucky if you find a love that is. Love someone who makes you happy, but don't rely on them too much. Speaking of happiness...
6. Be happy. I think most people would agree that love is all about being happy. Isn't that what we're after anyway? Find someone who makes you happy, love them, and make them love you. If you succeed, work hard at staying happy. Together.
If you fail, feel hurt, cry, move the fuck on, and find someone else. Rinse and repeat.
And, please, remember:
7. Don't give up. Just don't. Okay?
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