Hello Again, July

The first half of the year is over and my ferris wheel's about to go down again. Ah, life. What is it that you want to teach me that I have not learned yet?

I'm looking for a job. Again. I mean I still have a job but decided I shouldn't spend my time doing something I don't love and find something else that would give me a sense of purpose and satisfaction. All I get from this job is money. And, well, a good schedule. But what am I doing, really? I feel like I'm wasting time. 

Oh well. Good luck. 

Midyear Resolution

Stop wasting time on things (and people) that don't matter. 

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I wish more people knew how to take responsibility for their actions. I hate how we have this way of twisting things to eventually put the blame on the victim. Like how rape victims are blamed as if they asked for it. It makes me fucking angry. 

I was never passive in terms of my romantic interests. I don't think I'll ever learn how to just sit and wait for the guy to do something because I don't believe in traditional sex roles. I don't believe the guy has to pursue the girl. I don't believe he has to open doors for her and carry her fucking purse. I don't believe guys should pay for every fucking meal on a date and I don't believe that if sex happens on a first date, the girl is a slut. 

FUCK EVERYONE WHO BELIEVES THAT SHIT. AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO FUCKING PERPETUATES IT. 

People can be so fucking stupid, I sometimes want to take the fucking elevator to the roofdeck and jump to my fucking death. But that would only mean the stupidity won, so I'm not doing it. 

I won't apologize for anything. I won't apologize for supposedly thinking too much, because I have a working brain and I happen to use it more than some people do theirs. Don't fucking tell me not to think because I've always thought about things too much and I'm not going to apologize for that because that has made me into a more conscientious person. I'm not going to apologize for how I acted, because that was my honest reaction to what was going on. I was myself; I didn't pretend to be someone or something else. I'm not sorry about the conversation we had. I'm not sorry I enjoyed your hugs and wanted more of them. I was honest about what I felt, so I think it's only fair to expect you to be honest too. 

Ah, expectations. Perhaps I shouldn't have expected anything in the first place. But you said I was your good friend and I fucking took that seriously because "good friend" is not a title I simply bestow upon anyone. And I think it's only natural for good friends to expect good things from each other. 

Well, I guess we could say I know better now. I'm no good friend of yours. I'm not even a friend.

Oh well. Karma chameleon.